We all have triggers. Years of trauma runs deep in our core. We are the generation that can identify past trauma, heal present trauma, and look out for trauma of the future.
If you are a fan of my podcast, Refreshingly Human, you would have heard many raw stories about my past, as well as the past of many of the guests on my show. Many would label me as emotionally intelligent, a label I will wear with pride. However, I want to highlight, that even with emotional intelligence, which can take years to build up, I am not immune to my triggers. I still hurt when I am triggered, I still have to do the mental and physical work to build my own house of safety.
I still have to do the mental and physical work to build my own house of safety.Hannah Pillow
On my latest episode of Refreshingly Human, I interviewed Lee Hopkins, of the Patterns of possibility podcast. We dived into our own self validations, and the brushes we were painted with growing up. I really love Lee as a guest as he is able to open up in such a Refreshing manner. He shared some real vulnerability on this episode.
I’m not entirely sure if this was a coincidence or some weird sign of the Universe as today, I was triggered. I realized it was a trigger that I managed to avoid for a very long time. Lee and I spoke about our own family’s impressions of us, and how that impacted the way we used to see ourselves. I have come a long way from being able to separate who I am vs who my family thinks I am. I have also managed to find an immense self-love in the kick ass woman I have become, but we all live in glass houses. Triggers can be like stones thrown at our glass homes, trying to penetrate our house of safety.
Today, I spoke to a family member. As always, it was a short conversation. This particular member tends to trigger me more than any other. Today, was no exception. He reminded me of the narrow view the family has of me, ‘The fun one,’ ‘The irresponsible one,’ the shadows of childhood that linger over us. For a moment in our conversation, I thought, let me shed this family Bias I tend to have with this particular member. The problem with this was that he let me down in the next breath by casting his own Bias back on me.
Now, being someone who like to think they are emotionally intelligent. I am fully aware that I have been triggered. I took three long deep breathes. I took a moment to remind myself how amazing I truly am. That yeah, I am ‘the fun one’ but I am also one of the most kickass, hardworking woman that I know. Some people may only see one small side of who I am, but that will never diminish the amazingness of the whole person that I have become!